twitchcraft galore

I.
My nose is a river, its source a burgeoning waterfall deep inside the chasm of my sinuses. I have gone through at least two rolls of toilet paper already, seeing as I’m having to expel mucous from my face every two minutes. The doctor says I have a sinus infection, but there must be something else going on since my lungs and throat feel weary with unwelcome crowds of sick.

The nurse took one of those extra-long Q-tips and jammed it up my left nostril. It burned so badly, my hands involuntarily moved up to grab her. Oops. The flu test was negative, though, so I guess that’s a relief. Time to laze around in my apartment, fall in and out of sleep, and get comfortable with my Kleenex.

II.
My lungs are heavy and their hijackers, nasty buggers, will not come out no matter how much my throat pleads. So much pleading, in fact, that my voice has pretty much disappeared. My poor cat keeps talking to me, but alas, I cannot answer her insistent meows. She just looks at me, frustrated. I take a hot shower and she drinks water from the faucet and I stand and stare blankly at the yellow tiles.

Four days have passed and I am only getting worse. My mom takes me back to the doctor, and I am sent to the lab for an encore of large Q-tips being jammed into my nostrils, along with several vials of blood being taken from my arm, and some X-rays on my head and chest. I have the flu. Most likely the swine flu.

My boss and my chef instructor are not happy that I will be gone all week, but they do not protest. Nobody else wants to get sick, and I don’t blame them. This shit sucks.

III.
My mother is a saint. Anything I need, medicine, food, tissues. She brings them to me, and even brings me surprises. She sits with me and helps me with what I need. She takes her Tamiflu so she doesn’t get sick from me, and she hasn’t complained once. I don’t know what I would have done without her this week.

I am working from home today, since there are crises to be averted and I am the only one who can do it. At least I am being somewhat helpful. It’s a change, at least. I was getting tired of watching Family Feud. I have never seen so many high-fives in all my life as in one episode of that show. One week has gone and I am still bedridden. Bored and drowsy and coughing and coughing.

IV.
My living room is a swamp. I wade through her mucky murk in an attempt to save my electronic devices, just barely now touching her damp surface. I go upstairs to my closet to get some clean clothes and realize that my second floor has also transformed into a squishy pool. This is just exactly what I was hoping to encounter at 11:00 pm, in the midst of dealing with the flu.

It has been raining since yesterday and apparently water has collected on the roof, after the roofer men have torn it apart and not yet fixed it (four days ago). Lucky me (and the other tenants in this building) now get to experience super leakage on two floors of our homes.

V.
My kitchen is a library. My grey sweater rests across the back of an office chair, pushed into the dark back corner next to the fridge. Books are piled up on every available surface, while the empty bookcase stands in the middle of the narrow space. The rest of my living room has been pushed together, squished up against the fireplace and the front door. My closet has been emptied out into my bedroom. Things are everywhere. In complete disarray.

They are removing the carpet padding and vacuuming up the water. There is a very loud fan blowing the carpet dry. I am told that I will have to wait until next week for them to come back and finish the job. I am also told not to move anything until the carpet is finished. Oh good, because I was hoping to live like this for a while, you know, just to change things up.

VI.
My lungs, not yet recovering from the flu, are now being treated to a heavy dose of musty air. My cat is excited because all the windows are open. I have put together a makeshift area in a corner of the mess so that I can set up my computer again. I have read three books already this week, and have just bought three more to keep me company, although now I just want to go to sleep. My Tamiflu is all gone, but the bottle of cough medicine (with codeine) is still very full.