slightly relevant

Since I can’t seem to find the words lately, here’s a rant written for me by my dear friend Phil.

Ok, so I’m here to step up and give Kelley a nice ranty voice behind one of her most frustrating topics: men.

Now this isn’t going to be the typical rant. It’s not going to be vague and talk about how frustrating we as men are in general. This is going to have some very specific examples ranging friends to family.

Let’s tee of with Mr. Kelley. She used to have a cute nickname for him, but those days are OVER. Why? Well it’s because he’s acting like a little bitch. So we’ll just refer to him as Mr. Kelley. It seems that someone (not mentioning names here) is having a hard time understanding that just because their relationship didn’t work out, that common decency should still be…common. Ignoring phone calls, text messages and emails just shows that he’s just a big child. Where the hell is your pride? Get over it, it’s over and done with. Grow up and be a man.

Now for the best friend. Being no stranger to how frustrating friends of the opposite sex, I know how frustrating it can be. How is it that someone who is supposed to know you and understand you can so equally frustrate you at the same time?? Seriously, he’s supposed to be providing relief and friendship, not the same kinds of headaches as every other fucker is town is causing.

We save the last for dear ol’ Dad. Being a father myself, I generally don’t like to trash dads. Except when they are being dopes.

Remember Kelley’s beloved Scooter cat? The one that went to go live on the farm? Well Kel’s dad does and he’s none too pleased about it. Why? He doesn’t like the fact that the cat will be…OUTSIDE. Never mind that cats lived exclusively outside for MILLIONS OF F’ING YEARS. Apparently he wants new laws…a program called NCLO. No Cat Left Outside.

The funny part? After calling and bitching about the farm plan, did he offer an alternative? I mean for the complaining he did, surely he would have offered an alternative had he really cared so much about ol’ Scooter cat. Maybe he could try and find an indoor home? Offer to take old buddy Scooter to live with him to be cared for? Umm…nope. Didn’t do a damn thing. He took the “seagull strategy”. He blew in, squawked and shit everywhere, then flew away and left someone else to clean up his mess.

So there’s my take on Kelley’s troubles. I personally think she’s too tired of it all to give a good rant, so I’m glad to be able to come in and fill in for her!